How I spend most of my days doing nothing

I wake up.

Not early. Not late. Just whenever.

I reach for my phone. I scroll. I don’t even know what I’m looking for.

Then I get up. I eat something (ရှမ်းခေါက်ဆွဲ is my fav btw). Nothing fancy.

Then I sit.

I open my laptop. I stare at the screen.

And the infinite scrolling, binge watching begin. YouTube. Reddit. Facebook. The same places. The same content. Nothing new.

Hours pass.

I tell myself: “Today I’ll do something.”

But I don’t.

Then it’s evening. Then it’s night. Then I tell myself: “Tomorrow I’ll start doing something.”

Tomorrow comes. Same thing… ughh right?

#The guilt

The worst part is not the doing nothing.

The worst part is feeling guilty about doing nothing.

I know I have time (well not in my mind, i dont.). I know could do things.

But I don’t.

And every minute I don’t, the guilt grows. And the guilt makes me want to do nothing even more.

#The cycle

Wake up. Scroll. Eat. Sit. Scroll. Sleep.

That’s most of my days.

Not all. Some days I exercise. Some days I write. Some days I feel like a real person.

But most days? Nothing.

#What I’m learning

I’m learning that doing nothing isn’t always laziness.

Sometimes it’s exhaustion. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do next. Sometimes I’m waiting for permission that never comes.

I’m also learning that small is better than nothing.

Write one sentence. Fix one typo. Open the code editor for five minutes. Close it.

That’s still something.

This post is that something for today.

#Maybe tomorrow

I don’t know if tomorrow will be different.

Probably not.

But maybe I’ll write another blog. Maybe I’ll do some pushups. Maybe I’ll actually try to learn something. Maybe I’ll finish my assignments.

That’s not nothing.

Or is it something? I’ll never know.

Note: This post was written in 10 minutes because I decided to do ‘something’ instead of ‘nothing’ today.